Last week, Tuesday, I went to the surgeon for the last time. My wound, almost completely healed, no longer needed to be monitored by the Dr. Although I still have home health nurses coming in. This was a major achievement in my recuperation. I still have quite a ways to go yet!! I still have my foley cath, and we are trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation with my bladder incontinence. I am comfortable with the foley, but long term use is not recommended. So other options have to be looked into.
Starting tomorrow, I will begin physical therapy!!! Friday, occupational therapy!! JOY!!!!!!! It is very much needed. Since the surgery I have been having issues with the muscles in my leg, thighs and arms. Sometimes the pain is really unbearable!! So, hopefully working with the therapists will help with those issues. My goal is to get back up and walking!!!
Let's not even talk about the diabetes!!!! Frustration is all I can say!!
It's hard to explain how one feels when going through illness. Harder yet, when you are already dealing with several health issues. It was and still is hard dealing with having to be bedridden for as long as I was. That was one of my greatest fears throughout my life, being bedridden. I had several experiences with it while growing up. Being bedridden in isolation, in the hospital for weeks at a time. Then at home, confined to your room in bed. For a child and teen, that is definitely not fun!!!! To be faced with it again, was very very hard! It brought back old memories and feelings that I had suppressed.
It really works on your mentally!!! I was very thankful to be alive, but at the same time felt like a condemned person. My jail cell was the hospital bed in my room!!! When those railings went up, a feeling of being trapped would creep in. Everything you've striven for gone!!!! Your independence, and your ability to do things for yourself is given over to your care takers. Now you are on their time schedule! Everything flows ok till your care interferes with their lives, and then the trouble begins!!! At times, it would take me back to when I was a child. Overhearing conversations about how caring for you was ruining their lives. How it might have been better just to institutionalize her!
The pain you feel is yours alone, because no one understands. They have not gone through what you've gone through, so it's hard for them to grasp just what you are feeling and the depth of those feelings. They are not something to just "get over" and "move on". Now that I am up (in my power chair) and can do some things for myself, those feelings have receded a bit. Just to be able to make your own cup of coffee means a lot!!! I love and appreciate those (my family and nurses) that have made my recovery to this point as comfortable, fast and wondrous as it has been!!! Thank You all!!!!
Now, I can say I have been busy with knitting!!! Since I've been home from the hospital (Feb 6th) I have knitted 10 hats, 6 wine cozies, 2 toilet paper covers, 2 dish cloths and working on a pair of mittens! Did not realize just how much I had made till I gathered everything together. Most of the pics of the items have been posted, but I am going to post the rest soon. Knitting kept me going! My hands hurt too bad (from the I.V's) for crocheting, but knitting was easier. It helped to pass time!! Which I had plenty of!!! It gave me opportunity to try out stitches and patterns new to me! The creation process is awesome!!! Taking a ball of nothing but yarn and making it into something useful is great!!